No lube
They big day had finally arrived, the day myself and Tom would be on our way to EA SPORTS Vancouver so see the very latest that FIFA 13 had to offer and to get some time with the men behind the game. If only we knew at the time that we might not even make it at all…
The journey to the airport was textbook, not a hint of traffic in sight and a smooth and comfortable ride was enjoyed. Tom did text me half way through telling me he “thought he was going to die” due to his maniac cab driver but I quickly shrugged it off as him moaning.
Next up the joys of Heathrow Terminal 5. After a very helpful chap managed to get us sat next to each other on the plane we were headed to airport security. As Tom failed to read the very clear signage, he was forced to throw two brand new bottles of Coke in the bin. His argument that they were “sealed” sadly didn’t wash with the burly security man.
A few pints and a Full English later it was time to board our plane and we managed to catch up with EA SPORTS video editor Lee Smith at the gate. We mostly discussed how terrible we were at Ultimate Team before taking our seats. Now, it’s everyones dream to get premium seating on a long haul flight, so our parade past them en route to ecomomy was only made harder by Lee stopping and saying “this is me”.
9 hours passed without incident and apart from a few ropey films and an epic mistake with the excellent iPad game Pocket Planes (Tom didn’t realise you could fly multiple aircraft at once, he watched individual flights unnecessarily for a good 20 minutes) we had landed in sunny Vancouver.
This is where it gets interesting because apparently Canadian border control are all highly trained interrogation specialists. Or if you prefer, arseholes.
After a long battle with a rather unpleasant lady about why EA had paid for my tickets, yet I didn’t work for them (trying to explain FSB didn’t help) we were allowed (or so we thought) to pass and collect our baggage. Then, just as we saw the bright lights of the “Exit” we were unceremoniously stopped by Canada’s finest and me, Tom and producer Lee were escorted to security.
I’m sure you’ve all seen airport security in films and in real life it’s just as chilling I assure you. Cold and clinical, with pristine aluminium work surfaces, fresh white walls and row upon row of boxed rubber gloves, without a pot of lube in sight…. Nervous glances were exchanged and then the battle to explain the “nature of our journey” began once more.
This is where Lee achieved hero status in our eyes as he stepped up explaining calmly, clearly and simply what was happening at EAC this week. It didn’t stop the Gestapo grilling him though, even to the point of asking him “what videos do you do” but they soon understood and after triple checking our documentation and tickets it was on to the bag searches.
Now, I take great pride in neatly packing my suit case so it’s a shame the admittedly very polite Canadian gentlemen didn’t share it. Unceremoniously unraveling my Super Dry boxers before eventually re-packing with his pair of shovel hands. Finally, after all the checks had been done yet again and all our cases had been re-packed we were eventually allowed to enter the country. Hooray!
The three of us quickly grabbed a cab and then we checked in to our hotel and caught up with FIFA UK’s Rob Hodson. It was still early so we ventured out and grabbed a few well earned pints and of course regaled our epic brush with Canadian border control. Much FIFA discussion later, and a wild stab in the dark at the local tipping policy, we left the “picturesque” bar in earnest.
Tired and jaded, but with our anal virginity in tact, it was finally time to head back to the hotel and get ourselves to bed as a long day of FIFA action loomed large…
(There may be a small delay to the next “FSB at EAC Blog – Day 1” due to the embargo we will be under at the studio. We’ll post it as soon as we can. We’ll even promise to talk about the game.)
